Many of you that know me, know that I walk quite frequently. Most of the time, anywhere I have to go is within walking distance to home, so it makes sense to walk as opposed to drive. I don't really drive much anymore. If it's a trip to the grocery store for dinner, or a craving for an iced coffee at Dunkin, I can handle that instead of waiting for Mark to get home. Of course there is the fact that we are a one vehicle family. But aside from those things, it has really become my main form of exercise, and it is working. I am down thirty pounds since February.
There are times when I get stuck on a particular idea when I am writing, or when I am working in the shop. Inevitably, I get so frustrated that I have to walk away for a bit. Just to clear my head. To get some air coursing through my lungs. The walls in this place can sometimes feel like they close in on you, and that can stifle any creative thinking. And so I walk. It helps me refocus.
Weather doesn't really stop me from walking. I have walked in the snow, in the rain, in the heat. I actually do have to admit that when it is about as cold as the arctic during the winter, my walks are short and brisk. The thing is, in each weather type, there is a benefit for a weary mind, or a tender heart. I love the way the rain refreshes in the spring and summer, and the way it makes all of the colors in the fall pop. When I am stuck in the silent spaces in my heart, the rain provides a very soothing, almost empathetic setting. I love the way the sun energizes and inspires. The peacefulness of the snow in the winter, especially at night, is simply magical. These times, these moments have become so precious to me. And so I walk. It helps me appreciate and recognize the beauty of the climate we get to live in!
As much as I would like to deny it, sometimes I walk to avoid confrontation. I have a huge heart, and I can be very in touch with my emotions. I am very passionate at times, and sometimes it is misdirected. I love hard. And I can fight harder. So before a situation gets out of control, and communication has turned into a battle cry, I need an escape. An out. And so I walk. In the silence of my solitude, I try to sort out the voices and the crazy battle raging in my head. Walking brings me clarity, and gives me a chance to stand down.
I walk through abandoned city blocks, and I wonder what used to be. I see the houses that are falling apart in my neighborhood, and I can see young families just starting out in this city a hundred years ago. I wonder if there were ever any block parties, and what trick or treating used to be like back in the good ole days. I see the sprawl of a growing city, and the by-products of poverty and drugs. I see the revitalized and renewed areas of this city, as well as the areas suffering the decay of the slow death of the inner city areas. I see the same cracked out prostitute just about the same days and times every week. I walk past the steady group of guys that pan handle and sling bootlegged DVDs. When I walk the trails down at the inner harbor, I see the same guys, every time I am there, cruising the area looking for a quick hook-up. The characters are always the same. I watch and I observe. I notice small details, like the flowers that fight and struggle, reaching for the sky, in crack on the sidewalk, or in amongst the trash and debris of abandoned spaces. I listen to the steady rhythm of the various construction equipment in use around the area. I talk to the cashiers at the gas stations, and the young woman that always takes my order and makes my coffee at Dunkin Donuts. wonder about the people I see and come in contact with throughout my walks. I notice when someone new is hanging around, or when someone who is a regular isn't around. Most often than not, these walks are what I turn to when the loneliness gets overwhelming, or the noise in my head gets too loud. These people I see and pass and interact with have become players in my show. I wonder about their pasts. What drove this woman to use her body to pay for her addiction? Why doesn't this able bodied guy always begging for money have a job? Sometimes I make up their back stories. Other times I say a little prayer for them.
Still there are other times when I really just want a Java Monster or a candy bar. And so I walk.
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