I'm Good With Me

This morning was like any other morning.  Same groggy tossing and turning, hoping to get another half hour of sleep.  Same number of hits on the snooze button.  Same cracks, crunches, and grunts as always, although it is getting a little more noisy when I get out of bed.  You begin to notice these things around 40.  I opened the bedroom door and made my way to the bathroom.  (I'll spare you the details, and get to the point).  Brushing my teeth, I looked at my reflection in the mirror.  I stared into my eyes, still puffy from sleep.  After I recognized parts of my dad staring back at me, I began to question myself.  Who am I?  Do I like what I see?  Am I good with the person staring back at me?

I have pondered these questions many times before.  I think it is a very healthy thing to take stock of where you are and who you are every once and a while.  So after the normal list of things I'd like to work on, things I'd like to change, it was time for an answer.  Yes.  For the first time in my adult life, I can look myself right in the eyes in a mirror, and say yes, I am good with me.  Many, many things brought me to this point.  Experiences that were painful, yet necessary.  Situations I saw no clear path out of.  But I survived. 

On the outside, I am a divorced, disabled, overweight 40 year old father of 4.  Messy divorce, came out as gay.  Living in an ugly part of town.  Scraping by check to check like everyone else does.  But There is so much more to me and so much more to my life than can be summed up in a paragraph.

That's what this new blog is about.  How James Michael Howe got to this place in his life.  I'm gonna be honest, it was messy at times.  I made a lot of mistakes along the way.  There has been some hurts and some heartache.  There has also been an amazing amount of growth and change.  An amazing amount of love.  An amazing amount of blessings.  I am good with me.

Why blog about it?  Because I am at a place in my life where I can actually share some wisdom, some encouragement, and some lessons I have learned along the way.  Let me apologize up front to my mother, grandmother and aunties, there will be some messy parts.  Probably an occasional language slip.  (OK, probably a lot more than occasionally)  I am going to talk about faith, relationships, parenting, sexuality, spirituality, health, politics, and many other things.  There maybe times where I ramble on, and you may wonder where the hell I am going with this.  I promise, it'll be worth it.  If you knew me before, it will surely be a new introduction.  If you know me now, you will recognize many of the things we have probably talked about.  There will be some in my life that will have their questions answered.  There will be some who think this is a waste of time.  I will also have an incredible amount of support.  That's just how my tribe rolls.  

So why do it?  I feel like maybe this could be my legacy.  This could be something that my kids and grand kids will read.  And when I am long gone, they can read about my crazy life.  Maybe it will teach them a thing or two.  

Or maybe just make them laugh...